It was the summer of 2005, probably the most memorable summer of my life. I was twelve years old, six weeks we spent together, forty two days, in that time our friendship grew, and then without warning he upped and left. I always hoped he’d come back to us, I couldn’t let go of his memory. He became my first, my only teenage crush. Every day he was in my mind, and every night he was in my dreams. Ten years on this man is still my secret obsession no matter how many men I’ve met and dated, nobody ever measured up. Even today, all I can think about is the summer of 2005, the summer I spent with Snow.…. But although Darcy thought she knew all there was to know about Snow, she couldn’t have been more wrong.
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His tanned physique is to die for. Steam wafts up from his broad chest. There’s a slight gap between us, yet he feels so warm. Standing here like this is everything I’ve ever pictured in my dreams; every sensation, every ounce of feeling rushes through the core of my body. The tips of his fingers take the edge of my T-shirt, and holding onto the cotton material they slowly glide up past my waist, past my breasts, and with my arms raised, past my fingers. I glance down as he drops my top onto the bed. Encased by his arms, he unclips the fastenings of my bra. I sense his chest has cooled as he leans his bare flesh against my breasts. I lower my eyes, expecting him to lift me onto the bed, and I’ve no desire to fight him. He rests his cheek against mine, and I flinch as his stubble rubs against my face. His lips part as they press against my ear, and I tilt my head ever so slightly so that they can move down to my neck.
Filled with frustration, I saunter into a bathroom of wall-to-wall mirrors. I step out of my trousers and my black lace panties, and from the cold tiled floor into the shower. Blinded by steam, I lean my head back against the striking white wall tiles. I blink, screwing up my eyes as they are hit by jets of hot water. Taking the lathered soap from its porcelain dish, I rub it between my palms, touching my face, my arms. I begin circling my hands over my skin, trying to wash my frustration away; on reaching my breasts I circle my nipples … they are hard against my fingers. Still covered in soap and water, my hands dip down to my waist and on between my legs; slowly I begin to rub myself. I take his advice and pretend that’s it’s not me here, but someone else. Losing myself in my head, I feel I’m also losing my inhibitions.
“Snow!” I cry out. “Can you come here?”
Two “I was about to put my truncheon in your hand, but thought you’d prefer my cock.”
My instinct tells me that at the first chance I get I should turn round and punch him in the face, yet having him so God damn near I’m feeling myself starting to relax; he’s starting to turn me on.
“We’ve made love…” He nibbles my neck. “We’ve fucked, but it gets much more exciting from here on, so now for the role play.”
I try to butt in, but I gasp back my words as he slips my hand down the front of his trousers. I can feel his every inch and can feel how much he wants me.
“Look, Darc, if you’re not into this kind of thing, we can always drive back to the hotel, or meet up with Chase and Rayne.”
I attempt to shake my head against the cold metal bonnet. I feel his lips move my hair from my face as he whispers into my ear.
“I thought if I spiced things up a bit, this relationship could go all the way. I don’t want you looking elsewhere now, do I?” he says, grazing my lobe with his teeth.
His hand prise its way between my thighs and the bonnet, and he ruches up my long black dress until it’s level with my undies. He slips his fingers inside my lace panties and I open up slightly more as he feels his way between my folds. His fingers hover, then massage my sex. Pleasurable groans slip from between my lips as he circles his fingers around my hardening bud. I tighten my grasp around the warm skin of his penis, slowly moving my hand up and down his shaft.
As my hand moves faster, I squeeze his cock just a little too hard and he flinches.
“Though maybe not so rough.”
“Okay, now do as I’ve asked and get in the fucking car.”
Straightening my dress, I lift my legs, bend slightly and ease myself onto the back seat. A flash of metal, a click and my wrists are held tight in handcuffs.
“Don’t you think I’ll need my hands?” I smirk as he buries a small metal key in his trouser pockets.
“What you’re going to be doing to me, you won’t be needing your hands.”
“Enough!” he yells. “You’ve been a very naughty girl, and you’re in big trouble.”
He smiles, and the small light in the car enhances the whiteness of his teeth. He leans into me, searching for my lips. I feel their softness, and the stroke of his finger as it runs down my cheek.
“Darcy, do you trust me?” he murmurs, and I nod.
“How do you fancy trying something you haven’t tried before?”
I see a small tube that he pulls from his pocket. I don’t answer his question, but lean back and close my eyes.
She takes a step forwards, but I pull her back. She spins round, hitting out at my face; grabbing her above the elbows I pull her into my chest, encasing her in my arms.
“It’s okay, Darc, it’s okay.”
The harder she fights, the tighter my hold on her becomes. After only moments I feel her tenseness dissolve and her yells become sobs. I reach up, softly stroking my hand down the back of her hair in the same way I remember my mother doing to me as a boy when I was upset… But that’s Snow’s story and locked away. There are so many facets to my life, ones I’m not prepared to share.
Still holding her against me, we’re almost as one as I lower us back onto the bed. This is foreign territory I enter, for never in my life have I held a woman the way I’m holding Darcy now. I have this overriding feeling that takes over my head, telling me I want to protect her, keep her safe. Suddenly, my heart hurts, for it is something Snow was unable to do for Summer. But this isn’t a sisterly love I feel for Darcy; I can’t place what I feel. I glance down onto her soft forehead, my eyes following the bridge of her nose, and it suddenly dawns on me that I can’t imagine my life without her in it; yet what chance do two people as broken and as lost as we are really have?
It’s strange how moments can turn into hours without you realising, and it’s amazing how long our arms stayed wrapped around one another without either of us wanting to pull away. I look down at her as she lifts her head from my chest, and we hold each other in a long drawn-out stare. I smile at the multicoloured paint on her face. Seeing a half-empty glass on the table beside us, I stretch my arm towards it and dip my finger into the water. I lift myself from her, allowing her head to fall lightly onto the pillow behind. I draw my wet fingers down from her forehead, smudging the shades as I try to rub the paint away. But as I wipe away her painted mask, I see a woman beneath, a beautiful woman whose eyes have settled on me… At the end of the day she’s still a woman, and every woman I have every loved, who has ever meant anything to me, has just caused me pain. Faces from my past flash into my head… Is it only a matter of time before I kiss Darcy goodbye and she becomes no more than a memory? Then, like so many times before, I will forget her, pick myself up and start my life over.
I lean my arm past her and turn off the light, then once more hold her in my arms.